


shiber

by squirrelhan



Series: smol space fics uwu [5]
Category: ATEEZ (Band)
Genre: Age Regression/De-Aging, Caregiver!Hongjoong, Little Headspace, Little!San, M/M, Non-Sexual Age Play, Pacifier - Freeform, San and Hongjoong are not in a relationship tho, Tooth-Rotting Fluff
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-22
Updated: 2019-07-27
Packaged: 2019-11-03 18:27:38
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,042
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17882981
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/squirrelhan/pseuds/squirrelhan
Summary: san is trying to hide the fact that he's a little. but everything goes wrong when he loses his favorite stuffie shiber on tour...





	1. Chapter 1

San stuffs his pacifier and his sippy cup in his suitcase and sighs. It looks like he has everything.

ATEEZ are having their first Europe tour and San is nervous as hell. He can't handle stress very well. And of course being an idol is stressful, so it wasn't surprising for San that he found himself having a hard time dealing with the stress of comebacks and touring.

One day he decided to look for help on the internet. After a bit of searching, he found the term 'age regression'. He was interested in it and decided to look for more. He ended up on a website where they explained how age regression works. San was happy and excited to try this new thing out. Just the thought of a careless mindset and being all cuddly with the pile of stuffies he already owned made him very happy.

It didn't take very long before San went to the store to buy his first pacifier and a sippy cup. That was also the first day he actually fell into his little headspace. And when he woke up, he felt better than ever. San realized that he had to keep this a secret. He promised himself that he would never tell his members about it. They would probably be ashamed of him.

"San, are you almost done? We have to go!"

San snaps out of his thoughts as he hears Hongjoong yelling at him. The leader knocks on the door, he doesn't sound really happy. "Y-yes hyung!" San replies. He closes his suitcase, hugs the stuffies he, unfortunately, has to leave at the dorm and walks into the living room.

"Are you really going to take that stuffed animal with you?" Seonghwa asks San, laughing. He points at San's pink bag, which contains his favorite stuffie, Shiber. San looks at Shiber and can't help but pout his lips. "I can't sleep without Shiber. And I love him", he mumbles, pressing the bag against his chest.

"Well, are we ready to go?" Hongjoong asks and everybody nods excitedly. Their first concert is in London.

\---

"Ahh, that was so cool! European fans are amazing!" Yeosang yells enthusiastically and claps in his hands. "They knew the lyrics very well, that surprised me!" Wooyoung ads. He takes a seat next to Yeosang and sighs. Everybody had just showered. They are tired, but it was an amazing night.

San packs out his bag to sleep and oh my god, he can't find Shiber. Of course, he starts to panic and starts looking through his stuff. He is 100% sure that he brought Shiber to the venue with him. But did he actually bring it back to the hotel?

"San, what's wrong?" Yunho asks as the other members realize how stressed San is. "Shiber", San mumbles, he hastily takes everything out of his suitcase. "I can't find Shiber".

"Shiber? Your stuffed animal?" Seonghwa asks. San nods. "I took him with me to the venue but I don't know if I brought him back", he says, he's already feeling the tears in his eyes. He quickly wipes them away, he can't cry for his stuffed animal now. His members are here. Not now. 

"Should we help you find it?" Jongho asks, he gets down on his knees next to San. San nods. "Yes, yes please", he answers. Everybody sits around San and starts looking through his stuff.

"What's going on here?" Hongjoong asks when he comes into the bedroom. He looks surprised at the mess on the floor. He just took a shower. "San lost Shiber", Seonghwa says, looking up at their leader. "I-I think I left it inside the venue", San says, thinking about how he hugged Shiber before going on stage because he was nervous.

"We can look for Shiber tomorrow", Hongjoong proposes, but San wordlessly shakes his head. "No, no I can't sleep without Shiber", he says. Hongjoong sighs, he is clearly exhausted, but then smiles. "I'm going to take a look inside the venue okay?" he asks. "Oh, thank you so much Hongjoong", San comes up and cuddles Hongjoong tightly. Hongjoong shakes his head. "It's okay. Everything for my members", he says and leaves the hotel room. San crawls into his bed. Not that he feels better now, he is tired and it's late. And on top of that, he is starting to feel little. Great.

It is 15 minutes later. Hongjoong still isn't back, and San is trying his best to not slip into his little headspace. "San, don't panic, Hongjoong will find Shiber", Jongho says, smiling at his friend. He is obviously trying to calm San down, but San keeps shaking his head. His eyes are wide and teary. "No", he mumbles, a tear already rolling over his cheek. "I want Shiber right now".

Jongho glances at his members, clearly asking for help. But Wooyoung sighs, he also doesn't really know what to do. He looks at the other members, who are shrugging their shoulders. San is acting weird, that is something they all agree on.

Finally, the door opened and San looks up. His eyes go wide as he sees Hongjoong with Shiber in his arms. "You left him in the changing room", Hongjoong says with a smile. "Shiber!" San yells happily and stretches his arms to grab his stuffie. He nuzzles his face against Shiber's fuzzy belly and blinks. He suddenly feels like crying.

"Hey San, is everything okay now?" Hongjoong asks, placing his hand on San's back. "I-I don't know I-" and that's when San breaks. Tears roll down his cheeks and he hides his face behind his hands. He tries to stay big, but that plan fails when his members decide that it is time for a group hug. He feels himself slipping. Shit. But he is already too far gone to force himself to stay big.

p>"San? San? Hey San, are you okay?" Hongjoong is extremely worried as San doesn't stop crying. Everybody is looking at San with wide eyes. He turns around and keeps looking at Hongjoong. "A-appa", he then mumbles. Hongjoong is completely frozen. San is crawling towards him and hugs him. "Appa", he repeats, snuggling his head in Hongjoong's chest.

"San, is there something you need right now?" Hongjoong asks worriedly. San rubs with his fists in his eyes to wipe his tears with a pout on his face. He nods slowly. "Paci", he mumbles. "Paci? What do you mean?" Hongjoong glances at his members. They also have no idea.

San scrunches his nose and rolls from his bed. He waddles cutely to his suitcase and opens it. After searching a bit, he holds his bright yellow pacifier in the air. "Paci!" he yells and pops it into his mouth. He runs back to his bed and starts hugging Shiber. His members are dumbfounded. "What the-" Yeosang mumbles.

"He's acting like a toddler. I've never seen San like this", Seonghwa says, staring at San who is still hugging Shiber. "Maybe we'll just let him sleep?" Wooyoung suggests and the other members nod. "San, we're going to sleep, okay? You're going to sleep too, it's late", Wooyoung asks, but San shakes his head. "Sannie's not tired!" he says. Everyone sighs. "We have another concert tomorrow. You have to sleep. Goodnight", Hongjoong says and leaves the room. The other members follow him. They try to sleep but hearing someone cry and yell 'appa' the whole time is not very pleasant.

"Oh my god, is he still yelling?" Hongjoong whispers after 30 minutes. "Yes, and he's still yelling for you, appa", Jongho teases his leader and laughs. Hongjoong sighs deeply, getting out of his bed. "Let's see if I can calm him down", he says and walks into San's part of the hotel room. He looks at Hongjoong with teary and submissive eyes, they are puffy from crying. "Does appa think Sannie is stupid?" he asks, choking on his sobs. He stretches his arms towards Hongjoong.

Hongjoong sits down on San's bed and San immediately crawls in his lap. "No, you're not stupid. I love you. A-appa loves you", Hongjoong says, directly questioning what he just said. But it looks like it's working because San stops crying. A smile appears on his tear-stained face and he giggles cutely. "Sannie loves appa too", he says softly. He starts blushing as Hongjoong pokes his cheek and wipes his tears.

"Appa, S-Sannie's head says auch", San whines and points at his forehead. "That's because you cried. It's okay. Do you want to drink some water?" Hongjoong asks and San nods. Hongjoong stands up and looks in San's suitcase to search for a water bottle or something. He finds San's sippy cup instead. He looks at San again and fills his sippy cup with water, not even questioning why San owns a sippy cup.

"Here, is this good?' he asks and gives San his sippy cup. He nods happily. "Thank you appa", he starts and started drinking his water. Hongjoong ruffles his hand through San's hair. He has to admit, he is lowkey enjoying this and San is pretty cute when he acts like this.

"Appa, Sannie is slweepy", San mumbles when he finished drinking his water. Hongjoong placed his now empty sippy cup on the nightstand. "Can you sleep alone? You have Shiber with you, right?" Hongjoong asks, but San directly shakes his head. "No, Sannie wants to sleep with appa", he says and pops his pacifier back in his mouth.

"Alright, then appa will sleep with Sannie", Hongjoong says with a smile on his face and San smiles too. He crawls against Hongjoong's chest, with Shiber in his arms and his pacifier in his mouth. "Sleep well Sannie. Appa loves you", Hongjoong whispers and kisses San's hot forehead. San quickly falls asleep and it doesn't take long before Hongjoong falls asleep too.

\---

San wakes up the next morning. He realizes he still had his pacifier in his mouth. And Hongjoong's arms are wrapped around his waist. Wait, what?

Hongjoong wakes up too at that moment, smiling at San. "Goodmorning, how did you sleep?" he asks. San removes the pacifier from his mouth and looks around. "W-what happened?" he asks confusedly and looks at Hongjoong. "I don't know to be honest, but you started crying about Shiber and acted like a toddler for the rest of the night", Hongjoong explains.

San glances at Shiber and suddenly some memories fill his mind. How he called Hongjoong appa and cried and yelled his name for almost 30 minutes when everyone wanted to sleep. He slipped. In front of his members. This is terrible.

"Oh my god hyung, I'm so sorry..." San mumbles and places his hand on his forehead. "It's okay San. It didn't really bother me. We'll talk about this and you can explain this to the other members later, okay? We have to practice now", Hongjoong says. San smiles and nods. "Thank you", he says quickly and walks to the bathroom to take a shower.

He really needs to explain this to his members. They must be confused by now.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello, finally a second chapter!! i'm sorry that it took me so long :(   
> enjoy!!

"You're a little?"

San plays with his fingernails. He is sitting in front of his members, trying to explain to them what age regression is. They look at him, confused. "Y-yes. A little", San replies. He already expected that his members would not understand him at all, so he tried to prepare himself for this as much as possible.

"What is a little?" Yeosang asks, knitting his eyebrows. "A-a little is someone who acts younger than they really are. S-so I like to get into the headspace of a child to destress", San explains, looking at his hands in his lap. He doesn't want to look at his members.

"Oh", Seonghwa says, but he still looks confused. "So, what we saw last night... is that you being in the headspace of a child?" he asks. San nods. "Yes", he says softly.

"I don't really understand how it works, but if it helps you destress, I support you!" Jongho says and San looks up. He smiles. "Are you serious?" he asks and Jongho nods. "Of course! There must be more information about this on the internet, right?" he replies.

A shy smile grows on San's face and he nods. "B-but I know a lot about it too!" he says. "Ahh, you can tell us everything you want. We really want to understand you", Hongjoong insists and everybody nods with a smile on their face. San shifts in his chair, he feels so happy right now.

"O-okay. So, as you guys probably already know, I have a pacifier and a sippy cup. And Shiber of course. I don't really know how I should explain what slipping in a little headspace feels like, to be honest. I just feel... little", San explains, looking at his hands again.

"Are you feeling uneasy, telling us this?" Hongjoong's voice sounds. San looks up and bites his lip. He slowly nods. "You don't have to feel uneasy", he smiles. San shrugs. "I don't know why I feel like this. I mean, this is not something you guys can help me with", he says. A painful silence follows.

"You know what, I have an idea", Wooyoung suddenly says. He claps in his hands. "We are going to help you. You can regress when you want when we're home and we will help you! We will treat you like we should treat you. You can trust us, I swear", he says. "Are you sure that's a good idea?" San asks confusedly. The other members glance at Wooyoung and they nod. "Why not!" Yunho agrees.

San smiles. "I love you guys", he says, standing up to hug his members. "We love you to San. We only want you to be happy, remember that", Hongjoong replies.

\--

So, the members kept their words. San managed to not regress throughout the whole Europe tour, but coming home again and seeing all of his stuffies in his bed makes him feel... very small. He crawls on his bed, a deep sigh leaving his lips. His pacifier is in his bag, and he quickly reaches for it. He plops it in his mouth and wraps his arms around his stuffies.  
"Sannie missed stuffies", he mumbles softly, a giggle leaving his lips. 

He starts playing with his stuffies until the door opens and Hongjoong comes in. "Hey, San, how are you doing?" he asks and he feels his heart melt as San turns around and he sees the younger with the pacifier between his lips.

"Appa!" San yells, sitting straight up. Hongjoong closes the door and walks towards San. "Hey baby", he sits down next to San. He and the other members, without San knowing about it, had looked up for information about age regression. So that they can help San well when he feels little. They had found out that some littles have a caregiver and that they like to call them daddy or mommy. Since then, the idea of becoming San's caregiver has remained in Hongjoong's mind.

"Appa, Shiber is telling stuffies about Europe!" San says proudly, pointing at his stuffies on the bed. "Ah, what is Shiber telling them?" Hongjoong asks, his hand ruffling through San's hair. "Yummy food! But Shiber and Sannie missed home and stuffies", San says, he looks at Hongjoong with wide, submissive eyes. Hongjoong smiles at the sight.

"Do you wanna play in the living room with the other members?" Hongjoong asks. He knows it's a big step, but he really wants to introduce this cute version of San to the rest of the group. San thinks for a moment but then nods. "Okay!" he says and jumps from his bed, taking Shiber with him as he runs to the living room. Hongjoong follows him.

"Appa!! Sannie wanna watch tv!!!" San yells, plopping down on the soft rug in front of the television. “What do you want to watch, baby?” Hongjoong asks and turns the TV on. “P-pokémon!” San says and wraps his arms around Shiber, crawling against Hongjoong’s body. The other members enter the living room with a curious expression on their face. “Is he…” Jongho begins, and Hongjoog nods with a smile. 

“Hello San!” Wooyoung says, taking a seat on the couch. San turns around and looks at Wooyoung, frowning for a second. But then, a wide smile appears on his face. “Woowoo!!” he yells and waves cutely. Wooyoung laughs. “Do you know who those other people are?” Hongjoong asks San and points at everyone but Seonghwa, who is in the kitchen preparing dinner. San nods with a smile. 

“Jongie, Yunie, Mingi and Sangie!” San points, blushing when Hongjoong replies with “Well done!”. 

30 minutes have passed. "Sannie, do you want to eat ramen tonight?" Seonghwa asks, looking at San who was sitting in Hongjoong's lap on the couch. He nods happily. "But no spicy!! Shiber and Sannie no like spicy!" he then shouts, making Seonghwa laugh. "No shouting Sannie, Seonghwa can hear you", Hongjoong smiles, poking San's cheek.  
"S-Seong?" San asks and looks at Hongjoong, he is clearly confused. "Yes baby, that's Seonghwa", Hongjoong points at Seonghwa. San giggles, clapping in his hands and yelling "Seong!!".

The ramen is finished 5 minutes later and Seonghwa brings San his bowl. “Can appa feed Sannie?” San pouts and points at his ramen. “Of course, baby”, Hongjoong replies and moves the chopsticks towards San’s mouth, who chews happily. “Appa very sweet”, he giggles as Hongjoong grabs a tissue to clean some broth that dribbles down San’s chin.

San becomes tired after dinner and quickly falls asleep, sucking on his pacifier and hugging Shiber. “I swear, I think you should be San’s caregiver. He loves you so much”, Wooyoung says and looks at San who is sleeping in Hongjoong’s lap. “You think so?” Hongjoong asks, a bit hesitant. Everybody nods. “Hongjoong, have you seen how San looks at you? It is absolutely adorable. He calls you appa, on top of all”, Jongho gets into the conversation, sitting down on the couch too. 

A sigh leaves Hongjoong’s lips and he glances at San. He smiles. Maybe, his members are right. And maybe he is enjoying this too. Maybe even more than he expected.

**Author's Note:**

> hi, i just wanted to say thank u to everyone who defended me on this fanfic (if you dont get it there was this drama with haters and it escalated lmao). i've decided to repost it so here it is and i will definitely continue this.  
> again, english is NOT my first language. i'm dutch and still learning to write better fics :)
> 
> I REALLY LOVE Y'ALL SOO MUCH THANK U!! <3


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